"Blind Dates", Gay Bars, and Drag Queens

Well its been a couple days and I wasn’t sure where to go with this one but I figured I would tell you of my trials and tribulations with all sorts of men in my NYC life.

Exhibit A: Kurt

He is a friend of 2^nd floor Anna. He is living in Jersey City for the summer. We met at a bar one night through Anna and he seemed nice but I wasn’t remotely interested, but like I said he was nice. A couple days later Anna tells me that Kurt thought I was attractive and wanted my number and would it be okay for her to give it to him. I said sure why not. Well being the nice guy that he is he calls me up (chivalry isn’t dead!!!), I totally didn’t answer because I 1) wasn’t that excited to talk to him and 2) I really didn’t know who it was until I texted him clarifying. However he wanted to take me out to eat. At first I was leery, but I knew from the hour I hung out with him while mildly intoxicated at a bar that he was harmless. So I forged on and made plans for Thursday evening for what I considered a “blind date” since I didn’t overly really remember him. However being the thinker that I am I made sure to say me and my roommates were going out at 8ish so that I would have an out. Here are the funny/interesting things that happened in chronological order:

1. Forgot he had strawberry blonde/red hair (sorry red head friends)
2. He also had Justin Bieber hair circa 2009 (cue hair flip)
3. He was a spitting image of Shaggy from Scooby Doo (picture a gumpy, slumpy walk)
4. He was wearing light wash slightly torn jeans and a t-shirt (dude this is NYC)
5. Had no idea where to eat (I’m gonna need a little more direction here bud)
6. I had to pick where to go (sometimes I don’t like making all the decisions)
7. Convinced him we needed drinks so I could put up with his boring personality (but I swear he is nice!)
8. Asked if he could hangout with my roommates and me that night (umm..no)
9. Awkwardly met my roommates on the front stoop of the dorm where I realized I didn’t have my key, but it was fine cause I was with my roommates
10. In an attempt to end our "date" there he didn’t get the message and followed us to the liquor store
11. Finally got him to leave and told him to text me next time he was in the city (still not sure why I said this last part)

Overall I realized no matter how hungry I get in this city, I refuse to go on boring dates, it is too much effort when I could just go to Chipotle. Ok I'm lying, a girls gotta eat

Exhibit B: Lee

I really thought that coming to NYC to find a gay friend was kinda weird. Like why do you have to have ‘gay” friends. Why can’t people from the LGBT community just be your friend? However I will say Lee is my first NYC gay friend. He is 33, he is from South Carolina, and he says, “Bless you heart” frequently. We met a few times through random intern meet and greets but it was Friday after the awful date that we clicked. We were at a work happy hour where I was hungover and I spilled about my date. While I was just about to go home and pull myself together he told me we were going to a gay bar with drag queens. I said that I had never really been to a gay (except Rumors) and that I was game. On the inside I was quite nervous because this is very out of my element. So we went to the Lower West Side. He gave me a quick history of the area and the gay community and the stonewall riots (look it up if you don’t know about it). Luckily for me drinks buy one get one free, which for anyone who can divide, is a fancy way of saying half off drinks. So I got a drink, then another one, and then another one. Meanwhile a man in a tiny skimpy underwear get-up danced around (gosh I’m so Midwest modest and prude). Finally it was 6pm and Lady Uppercrust took the stage. She pranced around and lip-synced songs by classics like Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand and was very impressive. She knew Lee and would chat with us in between sets. She was lovely I might add, but this whole time I am still drinking. During one of her sets she overheard me say I had never really seen a Drag Queen during a live performance. She stopped her show immediately, and dramatically I might add, and whisked me up to the stage. She made me tell what seemed like my life story to the crowd and made sure the bartenders gave me a drink for free. When I sat back down I was feeling pretty good. Next thing I know a small tan man with a bouquet of 2 dozen roses appears and tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. Which leads me to….

Exhibit 3: Small man who spoke little to no English

He gives me these flowers and all he can say is “muy bonita” repeatedly. Now I am not sure if he was straight gay or indifferent. But the sight was quite comical. Luckily Lee shooed him away and my new Irish friends to my right laughed along. But small man didn’t stop there. He then brought me a singular rose (which I assume he took out of the bouquet) and tried his whole “muy bonita” line again. I smiled and said thank you but turned my head because it was getting weird. In his last ditch effort to win my love, he went to the photo booth in the bar, took four pictures of himself which ranged from a serious face to a kissy face and handed me the pictures. I lost the pictures somewhere in my dorm, but let me promise you, it is comical. Despite him not being my type, I am pretty impressed that I could snag a man at a gar bar.

Other shenanigans happened that weekend that would be mundane to you but I’ll leave you with this. I received a text from Kurt today that was a picture of guacamole he was making at home because he remembered I said I have an obsession with guacamole. It is unfortunate that I am still in the “nice guys finish last" phase of life.